Subject: True Genesis
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Nov 06 2000 - 13:36:56 EST
"Genesis"
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden
feeling very lonely, so G-d asked him, "What
is wrong with you?"
Adam said he was lonely and didn't have
anyone to talk to.
G-d said that He was going to make Adam a
companion and that they would be called a
woman. He said, "This person will gather food
for you, cook for you, and when you discover
clothing, she'll wash it for you. She will always
agree with every decision you make. She will
bear your children and always take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first
to admit she was wrong when you've had a
disagreement. She will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it. She will not
burden you in any monetary way. Life will
always be blissful."
Adam asked G-d, "What do you require of me
for this woman?"
G-d says, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam replies, "Oh, really?!?! ......... What
can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history....
***************************************
"True Genesis"
Moses' account of the creation in the book of
Genesis is so familiar and so entrenched in our
cultural heritage that many accept as actual
historic fact the assertion that Woman was
created from one of Adam's ribs. Science has
railed against such simple beliefs for centuries;
last week, at a dig in the escarpments along the
western shore of the Dead Sea, archeologists
have uncovered ancient, original texts that pre-date
Moses' writings by 1,300 years. Translated, their
account of life's beginnings on earth are much
more scientifically plausible ...
"... and G-d created Woman, giving her three breasts
to succor her young. And G-d spoke, saying to her,
"I have created thee as I see fit, but mine is no longer
the only opinion in the universe (sigh). Is there
anything about thee that thou would prefer differently?"
And Woman spoke, saying, "Lord, I am not made
to birth whole litters; I do not need but two breasts."
And G-d said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created
thee with wisdom."
There was a crack and a lingering odor of ozone,
and it was done, and Woman stood holding her
third breast in her hand.
"Now just what am I gonna do with this useless
boob?" Woman exclaimed.
And so it was, G-d created Man.
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