Subject: You Know You're a Mom When
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed May 10 2000 - 07:49:10 EDT
"You Know You're a Mom When"
1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and
you don't care.
2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to
lock them in a room together and not let them
out until someone's bleeding.
3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you
ask a friend to call you, and you run around the
house madly, following the sound until you locate
the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
5. Your idea of a good day is making it through
without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
6. Popsicles become a food staple.
7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one
meal a day.
9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo,
regardless of where it is.
10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you
give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it
because your too busy to wash it off.
11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence,
burping, pooping, ect. and you think it's funny.
12. You're so desperate for adult conversation
that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that
calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming,
dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading,
shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing,
sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing
diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying
bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes,
putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing,
chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS
swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing
trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball,
football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature
walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking,
trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening,
painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM
and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the
bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light
fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out
of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest
unsafe working conditions.
16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making
rice crispies bars.
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