Subject: How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Mar 22 2000 - 11:15:04 EST
"How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale"
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...
as well as in the morning, without clothes, before
breakfast, because it's nice to see how much
weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including
glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset.
Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh
at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical
kind, because they are always five pounds off...
to your advantage, of course.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure
on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER
you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good
for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping
onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?)
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale,
then holding onto the towel rack in front of you,
slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off
of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's
worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less
than if you'd stepped on normally.
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