Subject: Why It's Great to Be A Guy
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Mar 02 2000 - 07:45:24 EST
"Why It's Great to Be A Guy (Is it?)"
Part I
*Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
*You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
*A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
*Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
*You can open all your own jars.
*Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight.
*When clicking through the channels you don't
have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
*You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items
with you everywhere you go.
*You can go to the bathroom alone.
*Your last name stays put.
*You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
*You can kill your own food.
*The garage is all yours.
*You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
*You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
*Cleaning the toilet is optional.
*You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
*Wedding plans take care of themselves.
*If someone forgets to invite you to something,
they can still be your friend.
*Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
*None of your co-workers have the power to make
you cry.
*You don't have to shave below your neck.
*You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy
guy every night.
*If you're 34 and single, no one notices.
*Chocolate is just another snack.
*You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger seat.
*Flowers and/or Duct Tape fix everything .
*You never have to worry about other's feelings.
*Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
*You can say anything and not worry about
what people think.
*You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
*Car mechanics tell you the truth.
*You don't care if someone doesn't notice your
new haircut.
*You can watch a game in silence for hours
without your buddy thinking, "He must be
mad at me."
*One mood, all the time.
*You can admire Clint Eastwood without having
to starve yourself to look like him.
*Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
*Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks.
*You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
*You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off
someone else's.
*The remote is yours and yours alone.
*You need not pretend you're "freshening up"
when you go to the bathroom.
*If you don't call your buddy when you said you
would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
*If another guy shows up at the party in the same
outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
*The occasional well-rendered belch is practically
expected.
*If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash
it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
*New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
*You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting
dog is funny.
*If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
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