Subject: The 9 Types of Boyfriends
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun Jan 09 2000 - 03:28:01 EST
"The 9 Types of Boyfriends"
Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's
cuddle, OK?"
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man,
Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate,
wimpy
Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The
world can go to hell. Let's stay home and
watch TV."
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss,
Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the butt
Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders
without a struggle
Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox,
Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats
like a pig
Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum,
Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
The Sneak - "Who, me?"
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat,
Slime, Son of a Bitch
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes, let's
make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman,
Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich
and famous. I don't know how, but--"
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher,
Buffoon, Bag of Wind
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes,
let's make love like crazed weasels in my new
yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
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