Subject: A Man's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Feb 25 2000 - 06:07:02 EST
"A Man's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom"
1) Walk slowly and proudly up to the bathroom,
make sure everyone knows that is where you
are headed.
2) Enter the bathroom, and quickly check out
the whole room.
3) Look for the right urinal. This is how to pick
your urinal: There must be at least one urinal
between you and the next closest person (on
either side) to you, if this is not available, take
the urinal next to the wall, beside a 'safe looking'
male. If this is also not available, glance at stalls,
or leave bathroom, and return later, to get the
right spot.
4) If proper urinal is available, approach urinal
swiftly, looking straight ahead, never turning
eyes or head. Another approach is to look at the
floor, feet are always good as well.
5) Undo pants, relieve yourself as quickly as
possible, keep head looking down (or eyes
closed and head held looking up) this way no
one will think you are trying to check them out.
6) Shake it off, put it back in your pants.
** Note Steps 7 and 8 are optional, but
recommended in 45 of the 50 states.
7) Wash hands.
8) Attempt to dry hands. Look to see if a blow
dryer or paper towel dispenser is close by. If
not, your clothes will do just fine as a towel.
9) Exit bathroom, do NOT look back, you didn't
forget anything.
10) Check to see if your female companion has
exited the bathroom before you, although highly
unlikely, you must check anyway.
11) Wait patiently for her return, remember to NOT
say things like, "Wow, what took you so long."
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