Subject: Cat Commandments
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Feb 08 2000 - 03:44:46 EST
"All I Need To Know About Birthdays,
I Learned From My Cat!"
Be finicky - they'll try harder to please you.
Give attitude - get attention.
If you don't like your presents, SULK.
If you get bored at your party - just curl up for
a nap.
Don't stress out over your first grey whisker.
Act completely unimpressed by the presents
you receive.
Remember, this is your day, so if anyone bugs
you, you're allowed to hiss and spit.
Take the day off and lie in the sun.
Stay out on the prowl all night long.
Demand only the most expensive fresh fish for
dinner.
It's a good day to shed your inhibitions.
Act catty - toy with your presents before you
tear them open.
Don't overdo it with the catnip or you'll regret
it in the morning.
If you aren't getting enough attention, sharpen
your claws on somebody's leg.
Don't let anything or anyone PUT YOU OUT!
And remember... curiosity might kill you, but
birthdays won't!
****************************************************
"Cat Commandments"
Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when
thy human is on the computer.
Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the
back of the modem.
Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off
the roll.
Thou shall not sit in front of the television or
monitor as if thou art transparent.
Thou shall not projectile hair balls from the top
of the refrigerator.
Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and
commence licking thy butt.
Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy
human's face.
Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy
human's genital region.
Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed
doors.
Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock
by walking on it.
Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with
the hinged lid, as thee will fall in and trap thyself.
Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as
thy human is sitting down.
Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's
bladder at 4 a.m.
Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison
from which to escape at any opportunity.
Thou shall not trip thy humans even if they are
walking too slow.
Thou shall not push open the bathroom door
when there are guests in thy house.
Thou shall remember that thou are a carnivore,
houseplants are not meat.
Thou shall pee only in thy litter box.
Thou shall attempt to show remorse when being
scolded.
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