Subject: Men & Women Compared
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Feb 07 2000 - 03:51:05 EST
"Men & Women Compared"
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and
Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a
pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as
FatBoy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John
will each throw in $20, even though it's only for
$22.50. None of them will have anything smaller,
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
from the Holiday Inn. The average number of
items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of
a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when
women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future until
he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the
plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read
a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for
weddings, funerals.
LOOKS
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends and favorite foods and
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the
house.
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