Subject: New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Feb 01 2000 - 09:44:57 EST
"Faithful Cat"
Once upon a time, a woman had a faithful cat.
And one day, a guy ran over the cat with his
horse drawn carriage. So, the man went to
the old woman and said..
"I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace
him."
"That so nice of you!" said the old woman, deeply
touched. "So how good are you at catching mice?"
***********************************************************
"The Top 12 New Year's Resolutions Made by Dogs"
12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus,
and I am from Mars.
10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the
can opener.
9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried
competition in major dog shows.
8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-
wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell
the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on
'roids, or they'll flush my butt.
5. Always scoot before licking.
4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide
for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-
clockwise this year.
2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31st: Re-live victory over
the sock.
1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it
LEAVE HIS HAND.
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