Subject: I Love Her, But...
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Aug 02 2000 - 05:58:59 EDT
"I Love Her, But..."
(A collection of men's thoughts on their women.)
Part III
... she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
-Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.
... have you ever seen a woman with green crust
and slime smeared over her face, dark holes for her
nostrils? Do you think you'd be able to sleep at night,
knowing that creature is next to you?
--Arthur, Cedar City, Utah
... my wife's allergic to everything. Her nose is
chronically stuffed. If I kissed her on the mouth,
she'd suffocate.
--Bryan, Toledo, Ohio
... after sex, I mean the second after, she continues
where she left off. Her eyes open and before you
can breathe, you hear, " ... and, oh, yeah, I have to
defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to
pick up her dry cleaning ..."
--Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
... in bed I'm her high school teacher, captain of the
football team, her boss, the bad boy, a waiter, a
lifeguard, a telephone repairman, a cop. Once in
a while I'd like to be me.
--Neil, Orlando, Fla.
... she wears these false eyelashes. She left 'em
lying around and I slammed 'em with my newspaper,
tried to kill the damn things. Scared me half to death.
--Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.
... she takes those soaps too seriously. I'll come
home and find her in tears because some character
died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy's having
a fictional affair.
--Archie, St. Louis
... she will not shop at discount stores or sales. She
thinks they're crowded and plebeian. She doesn't
even look at the reduced rack, other than, perhaps,
for gifts for my mother.
--Conrad, Wilmington, Del.
... it annoys her that our children look like me.
--James, New Orleans
... counting my wife and our teenage girls, that's
four women. Somebody's always got PMS.
--Everett, Little Rock, Ark.
... with five kids, I don't have time to complain about
my wife. I don't have time to notice her.
--Bob, Charleston, W.Va.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Fri Sep 01 2000 - 00:00:04 EDT