Subject: I Love Her, But...
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Aug 01 2000 - 15:14:01 EDT
"I Love Her, But..."
(A collection of men's thoughts on their women.)
... she has an uncanny way of standing between
me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two
strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch
flies, and all I can see is her butt.
--Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
... she was furious when I got up early once and
made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How
dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone
what she'd have?
--Ted, Wexford, Pa.
... what's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she
sleeps in my T-shirts. When she's cold she wears
my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals
my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She
even wears my boxers. I'm tempted to switch to
briefs just to see what she'd do.
--Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass.
... she makes lists. Things to buy. Things to do. People
to call. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Once,
to be funny, I put "sex" on the list. Mistake. Now it has
to be on the list, or it doesn't get done.
--Nick, Wheeling, W.Va.
... you can hear her eat soup from the next room.
--Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.
... when she gets an idea in her head, there's no
stopping her. And no rest for anyone until it's done.
It's not so bad when the idea is to bake cookies, or
even to go on vacation. But when it's to build a new
house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense.
--Jim, Minneapolis
... my wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian.
During meals, she asks people how they can eat
dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops
used to be smarter than their dogs.
--Miles, Shreveport, La.
... every so often boom! she's a brunette. Or I come
home to a redhead. Actually, I have no idea what
her natural color is.
--Cary, Seattle
... she'll brush her teeth but she won't go to the dentist.
She says she's not afraid of the pain, she just doesn't
want to put herself in the hands of any fellow who'd
choose to be a dentist.
--Terence, Gary, Ind.
... she's stopped shaving her legs. She says that
now people will know she's a natural blonde.
--Ned, Tucson, Ariz.
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