Subject: 40 Ways Men Fail In Bed, Parts 25-32
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Apr 13 2000 - 07:24:40 EDT
"40 Ways Men Fail In Bed"
Parts 25-32
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm
tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody
likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before
you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust.
She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there.
And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men
ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more
laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her
to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all
the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't
feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let
her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS
AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputation for not
being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there,
ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, "Can I take a
photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies."
At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is
anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and
feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and
permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There
is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
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