Source Code To Windows 98

Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sat, 10 Jul 1999 10:56:21 -0400

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"Source Code To Windows 98" (programmer humor)

          /* Source Code to Windows 98 */

           #include "win31.h"
           #include "win95.h"
           #include "evenmore.h"
           #include "oldstuff.h"
           #include "billrulz.h"
           #include "monopoly.h"
           #define INSTALL = HARD

           char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
           void main()
           {
               while(!CRASHED)
               {
                   display_copyright_message();
                   display_bill_rules_message();
                   do_nothing_loop();
                   if (first_time_installation)
                   {
                       make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
                       do_nothing_loop();
                       totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
                       search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
                       disable_Netscape();
                       disable_RealPlayer();
                       disable_Corel_Products();
                       hang_system();
                   }

                   write_something(anything);
                   display_copyright_message();
                   do_nothing_loop();
                   do_some_stuff();

                   if (still_not_crashed)
                   {
                       display_copyright_message();
                       do_nothing_loop();
                       basically_run_windows_3.1();
                       do_nothing_loop();
                       do_nothing_loop();
                   }
               }

               if (detect_cache())
                   disable_cache();

               if (fast_cpu())
               {
                    set_wait_states(lots);
                    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
                    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
                    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
               }

               /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
               /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
               printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
               if (system_ok())
                   crash(to_dos_prompt)
               else
                   system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

               while(something)
               {
                   sleep(5);
                   get_user_input();
                   sleep(5);
                   act_on_user_input();
                   sleep(5);
               }
               create_general_protection_fault();
           }

************************************************************

"Anouncing The Birth Of Rory John Gates"

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think,
something from Microsoft shipped on time:
Rory John Gates, weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces
when he was downloaded, er, born on Sunday,
May 23 at 2:40 p.m. And what do Baby Gates
and Daddy's products have in common?

1. Neither can stand on its own two feet
without a LOT of third party support.

2. Both barf all over themselves regularly.

3. Regardless of the problem, calling
Microsoft Tech Support won't help.

4. As they mature, we pray that they will be
better than that which preceded them.

5. At first release they're relatively compact,
but they seem to grow and grow and grow
with each passing year.

6. Although announced with great fanfare,
pretty much anyone could have produced one.

7. They arrive in shaky condition with
inadequate documentation.

8. No matter what, it takes several months
between the announcement and the actual
release.

9. Bill gets the credit, but someone else did
most of the work.

10. For at least the next year, they'll suck.

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