Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 26 Apr 1999 09:09:50 -0400
"Thoughts On Diet"
* A diet is a weigh of life.
* It's something most of us do religiously: We
eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight.
* A diet is what you go on when not only can't
you fit into the store's dresses, you can't fit into
the dressing room.
* One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike:
If you're thin, don't eat fast.
If you're fat, don't eat... fast.
* The problem with curbing our appetites is that
most of us do it at the drive in window of McDonalds.
* The most fattening thing you can put in an ice
cream sundae is a spoon.
* The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days
is that it makes one weak.
* Above all, dieters are advised to avoid Pepsi, the
pause that 'refleshes.'
* Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
* Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
* The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what
you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
* Diets are for women who not only kept their
girlish figure but doubled it.
* A diet is when you have to go to some length
to change your width.
* It's not the minutes spent at the table that put
on weight, it's the seconds.
* Many women reduce and reduce, yet still never
manage to become a bargain.
* The best way to lose weight is by skipping...
snacks and desert.
* Most people gain weight by having intimate
dinners for two... alone.
* People go to Weight Watchers to learn their
'lessens.'
* A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family
counts its calories instead of its blessings.
**********************************************************
"Kitchen Wisdom"
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and
this kitchen is delirious.
No husband has ever been shot while doing
the dishes.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash
and gives the impression he just cleaned the
whole house.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and
cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
Housework done properly can kill you.
Countless numbers of people have eaten in this
kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending
machines.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue Apr 27 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT