In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was
suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear,
all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack
of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would
burst out of his chest. Then suddenly, he ended up at the
edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no
way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in
rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened
his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this
bear some *religion*!"
The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt
stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and
said,
"Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive...."
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Two young hikers were hiking through Yellowstone National
Park. They rounded a curve and came face to face with a
huge grizzly bear with cubs about a hundred yards away.
The bear charged. One of the hikers immediately sat down,
pulled his tennis shoes out of his pack, and began putting
them on.
The other hiker said, " You're crazy! You can't outrun that bear!"
The first fellow says, "I don't need to outrun the bear. All I
need to do is outrun *you*!"
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"Hunting Bears Can Be Dangerous"
Big Mike's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes
bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little
brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot.
There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to
see a big black bear. The black bear says, "You've got 2
choices. One, I maul you to death or Two, we have sex."
Big Mike bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days,
but he recovers and vows revenge. Big Mike heads out
on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear
and kills him.
At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge
grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says,
"That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices. Either I
maul you to death or we have sex." Big Mike bends over
once again.
He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit
of time to recover, and, he's outraged. He heads back to
Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank
range.
Sure enough, there's a tap on his shoulder.
He turns around to find an enormous polar bear. The
polar bear looks at Big Mike with a puzzled look and says,
"You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"