LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"The Shabbos Stroll" (For Rabbi SA on Long Island)
Moe and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday
morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend,
Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
"Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving
was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
"Wait a minute," Moe replied. "Didn't you read that book I
lent you, The Other Side of the Story, about the command
to judge other people favorably? I'll bet we can think of
hundreds of excuses for Irving's behavior."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Maybe he's sick and needs to go to the hospital."
"Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab -
he's healthier than Arnold Schwartzenweis."
"Well, maybe his wife's having a baby."
"She had one last week."
"Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
"She's home."
"Well, maybe he's running to the hospital to get a doctor."
"He *is* a doctor."
"Well, maybe he need supplies from the hospital."
"The hospital is a three minute walk in the opposite
direction."
"Well, maybe he forgot that it's Shabbos!"
"Of course he knows it's Shabbos. Didn't you see his tie?
It was his paisley beige 100% silk Giovani tie from Italy.
He never wears it during the week."
"Wow, you're a really observant! I didn't even notice he
was wearing a tie."
"How could you not notice? Didn't you see how it was
caught on the back fender of the taxi?"
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Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee.
One says,
"Your *thing* doesn't have any skin on it!"
"Of course, not! I've been circumcised."
"What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said they did it on the eighth day after I was born."
"Did it hurt?"
"You bet it hurt! I couldn't walk for a year!"
***************************************************************
"A Window Display"
A tourist is in Denver when she notices that her watch
has stopped because the battery seems to have died.
She starts looking for a watch shop. After a long and
rustrating search she finds herself on the corner of
Colfax and Stuart, just down the street from the Yeshiva
Toras Chaim Talmudical Seminary, where many shop
signs are in Hebrew.
Finally, she notices that one of the stores has all kinds
of clocks and watches ticking merrily in the window.
She walks into the shop and puts her watch on the
counter in front of the proprietor.
"Would you please sell be a battery this watch?"
asked the tourist.
"Madam, I do not have a battery your watch," replied
the man.
"But why not? It is an ordinary model"
"Madam, I do nothings with watches. I am a moel,
I perform circumcisions."
"Then why on Earth do you have all these clocks in
your window?"
"Well, and what *should* I have in my window?"