Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Thu, 17 Dec 1998 11:07:22 -0500
Some gifts are useful. Some gifts are playful. Some gifts are
fruitful. Some gifts are wasteful. And some are just better off
NOT being given. Then again, some people definitely have
too much time on their hands...
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Christmas Gift Exchange"
Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the
same pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years - and
each time the package gets harder to open. This year the pants
came wrapped in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube. The trousers
are in the glove compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now Collette's
plotting his revenge--if he can get them out.
It all started when Collette received a pair of moleskin trousers
from his brother-in-law, Larry Kunkel of Bensenville, Ill. Kunkel's
mother had given her son the britches when he was a college
student. He wore them a few times, but they froze stiff in cold
weather and he didn't like them. So he gave them to Collette.
Collette, who called the moleskins "miserable", wore them three
times, then wrapped them up and gave them back to Kunkel for
Christmas the next year.
The friendly exchange continued routinely until Collette twisted
the pants tightly, stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide tube
and gave them back to Kunkel. The next Christmas, Kunkel
compressed the pants into a 7-inch square, wrapped them with
wire and gave the "bale" to Collette. Not to be outdone, the next
year Collette put the pants into a 2-foot-square crate filled with
stones, nailed it shut, banded it with steel and gave the trusty
trousers back to Kunkel.
The brothers agreed to end the caper if the trousers were
damaged. But they were as careful as they were clever.
Kunkel had the pants mounted inside an insulated window that
had a 20-year guarantee and shipped them off to Collette.
Collette broke the glass, recovered the trousers, stuffed them
into a 5-inch coffee can and soldered it shut. The can was put
in a 5-gallon container filled with concrete and reinforcing rods
and given to Kunkel the following Christmas. Two years ago,
Kunkel installed the pants in a 225-pound homemade steel
ashtray made from 8-inch steel casings and etched Collette's
name on the side. Collette had trouble retrieving the treasured
trousers, but succeeded without burning them with a cutting
torch.
Last Christmas, Collette found a 600-pound safe and hauled it
to Viracon Inc. in Owatonna, where the shipping department
decorated it with red and green stripes, put the pants inside and
welded the safe shut. The safe was then shipped to Kunkel, who
is the plant manager for Viracon's outlet in Bensenville.
Last week, the pants were trucked to Owatonna, 55 miles south
of Minneapolis, in a drab green, 3-foot cube that once was a car
with 95,000 miles on it. A note attached to the 2,000-pound
scrunched car advised Collette that the pants were inside the
glove compartment.
"This will take some planning," Collette said. "I will definitely get
them out. I'm confident." But he's waiting until January to think
about how to recover the bothersome britches.
"Wait until next year," he warned. "I'm on the offensive again."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Fri Dec 18 1998 - 09:00:03 EST