Subject: Hazelnut Biscotti (Italy)
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri May 02 2003 - 10:26:00 EDT
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FOOD FUNNY
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Prolific contributor Harriet St. Amant writes, "Some of this has
appeared in the best darned ezine in the whole darned universe, but
some of it is new to me. I've never seen such a comprehensive list
before."
ICE CREAM - If you can't tell the difference between your ice cubes
and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out.
FROZEN FOODS - Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the
defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be
spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a
kitchen knife.
EGGS - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg
is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.
Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage
cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular
cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway - if you can dig down and
still find something non-green, bon appetit!
MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.
UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted
to discard the Tupperware along with the food.
CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of
a softball should be disposed of... very carefully.
POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
undergrowth.
BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
"spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread.
Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good
indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical
laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time,
depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals.
CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be
discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date,
or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself.
FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you
open it.
PRETZELS: Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no
longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there's nothing
to stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000
years ago.
RAISINS: Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth.
SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can't chip off reasonable
amounts from the block, maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt
usually pours.
SPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be
fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in your will.
VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probably still good.
THE GAG TEST - Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for
leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to
throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries.
Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps
you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
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TODAY'S RECIPE
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One of the nice things about these biscotti is that they will keep for
weeks, but I doubt you'll have any left after just day or two.
Hazelnut Biscotti (Italy)
1 3/4 cup (440 ml) all-purpose flour
3/4 cup (180 ml) sugar plus more for sprinkling
1/2 tsp (2 ml) baking powder
1/4 tsp (1 ml) salt
4 Tbs (60 ml) unsalted butter, chilled and cut
into small pieces
1 1/2 cups (375 ml) chopped toasted hazelnuts*
2 eggs
1 tsp (5 ml) vanilla extract
Combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and butter in a mixing
bowl and blend with a fork until the mixture resembles coarse meal.
Add the remaining ingredients and mix to form a dough. Turn the dough
onto a lightly floured surface and mix with your hands just enough to
eliminate any dry spots in the dough. Divide into 4 parts and roll
each into a log about 8 inches (20 cm) long. Place the logs on a
lightly greased baking sheet and flatten with the palm of your hand
until they are about 2 inches (5 cm) wide. Sprinkle with a little
sugar and bake in a preheated 350F (180C) oven until golden brown,
about 20 minutes. Remove from the oven (leave the oven on) and slice
diagonally into 3/4-inch (2 cm) thick slices. Bake an additional 5 to
7 minutes, until they begin to color. Cool completely on a wire rack
before storing in an airtight container. Makes about 36 biscotti.
* To toast the hazelnuts, place them on a baking sheet and bake in a
350F (180C) oven for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and rub in a
kitchen towel to remove the skins.
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