Subject: Salmon and Cucumber Pinwheels
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jan 20 2003 - 09:27:33 EST
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FOOD FUNNY
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Thanks to Cheryl from Brisbane, Australia for this groaner:
There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and
they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in
the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through
the heat haze, a tree off in the distance. As they get closer, they
can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon.
There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw
bacon, all sorts.
"My God, Pepe," says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree! We're
saved!"
"You're right" says Pepe, "Praise the Lord!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the
prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree,
there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail
of bullets. The first bloke quickly drops down on the sand, and calls
across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe, Pepe - what happened?"
"Ugh... it wasn't a bacon tree... It was a ham bush!"
"You're right" says Pepe, "Praise the Lord!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the
prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree,
there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail
of bullets. The first bloke quickly drops down on the sand, and calls
across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe, Pepe - what happened?"
"Ugh... it wasn't a bacon tree... It was a ham bush!"
e Lord!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the
prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree,
there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail
of bullets. The first bloke quickly drops down on the sand, and calls
across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe, Pepe - what happened?"
"Ugh... it wasn't a bacon tree... It was a ham bush!"
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TODAY'S RECIPE
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Many of my readers have probably had next Sunday marked on their
calendars for months because it's Super Bowl Sunday, the World Cup of
American football for the benefit of my overseas and other readers
with little interest in sports. Even though I count myself among
those who would rather read a good book (or even a mediocre book) than
watch televised professional sports (I know, it's downright
un-American), I present a menu specially designed to be enjoyed in
front of a large-screen TV. Finger food is the order of the day, and
I have selected recipes that can be made partly or entirely in advance
for those whose interests include cooking as well as football. Here
is the starting lineup:
Monday's Starter
Salmon and Cucumber Pinwheels
Tuesday's Soup or Salad
Cream of Vegetable Soup
Wednesday's Side Dish
Fresh Vegetable Salsa
Thursday's Entree
Bratwurst with Onion Marmalade
Friday's Dessert
Berry Bundt Cake
This recipe is a cinch to make in advance and cut up just before
serving. I haven't given quantities here so you can adapt the recipe
depending on the size of your crowd, but you can count on one tortilla
serving two to three people - or one hungry linebacker.
Salmon and Cucumber Pinwheels
Cream cheese at room temperature
Chopped fresh herbs such as parsley, chives, or dill
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
10-inch (25 cm) flour tortillas
Thinly sliced smoked salmon
Long, thin slices of English ("seedless") cucumber
made with a vegetable peeler
Combine the cream cheese, herbs, salt, and pepper and spread in a thin
layer on the tortillas. Top with salmon and cucumber slices and roll
into a log shape. Trim the ends, cover with plastic wrap and
refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, or up to 4 hours. Cut into
1-inch (2.5 cm) rounds immediately before serving.
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