Rejection Lines

"Rejection Lines"*

*10. I think of you as a brother.
        (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing
        geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
        (You are one Jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in "that" way.
        (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid my eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
        (I don't want you spending the night or else
        you may hear phone calls from all the other
        guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
        (Who is really my male cat and a half gallon
        of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men from where I work.
        (Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were
        in the same solar system, much less the same building!)

4. It's not you. It's me.
        (It's not me. It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
        (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as
        my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
        (I've sworn off men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.
        (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
        excruciating detail about all the other men I met
        and have sex with.)
Received on Wed Mar 30 10:02:38 2011