How To Take A Shower In A Dorm II

"How To Take A Shower In A Dorm II"*

*17. Turn the stall into a shrine for a pagan god. Call him
Weeshy. Insist that anyone who uses that stall must tithe
to receive his benevolence and glory. If they don't tithe,
avoid them for the rest of your life.

18. Take your shower like normal, and then begin
screaming that the Communists are taking over. Make
battle sounds -- including bombs, bazookas, and tanks.
Towards the end, wearily declare victory. Leave wounded.

19. Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you are dissolving.

20. Bring in a bucket, fill it with water, and float a bar of
soap in it. Charge a fee for people to see the Wicked
Witch of the West bathing nude. Threaten anyone who
laughs at you with flying monkeys.

21. Start singing Pavarotti really loud. In the middle, stop,
stutter for a second, and then exclaim "Ohmigosh...do
you know what these words REALLY mean?"

22. Suck on the faucet head until you fill up with water.
Complain that the Seven Chinese Brothers get no respect,
OR pretend to be a fountain.

23. Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall.
Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of the
stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy you are.

24. Buy a bunch of those tiny animal-pills that expand
into full, spongy shapes when they get wet. Bring them
into the shower and spill them into the ditch. Ask
somebody for your pills back, and when they hand you
little animals, scream, slap them, and run away.

25. Make your best Psycho noise (reeEENT reeEENT...).

26. Try to get everyone in the other stalls to sing in four-
part harmony with you. If this actually works, change
your voice part every three measures.

27. Become a shower-pirate. Loot other stalls of soap,
Oxy pads, and Q-Tips. Bury them under the tile floor.
Fire cannons at people using toilet balls.

28. Bring scuba gear into the shower with you. Talk to
Cousteau. Upon leaving, tell everyone that the Titanic
was actually torpedoed by the Germans. Be cocky.

29. Hum for a couple of moments, stop, make an
"Mmmm!" sound, and then announce to everyone
that the mildew on the shower walls kind of tastes
like head cheese.

30. Coat the floor in a fine layer of quick-drying cement.

31. Hang "Marisa Cevasco steals Homecoming Queen
Crown" signs in all the stalls. If anyone asks who Marisa
Cevasco is, call them ignorant and ignore them for the
rest of your life.

32. Bring in Sesame Street bath books. Read them
aloud. Giggle every time Bert walks in on Ernie bathing.

33. Stare at people's feet as they bathe. If they do not
wash their feet, tell them to. If this happens a second
time, steal their shoes and tell them that they left on
strike. If they DO wash their feet and fall down while
doing it, laugh hysterically.

34. Stand outside the shower curtain, raise a harpoon,
and shout "I'm coming for you, Moby!" Run in and do
battle with the faucet-head. Walk out a peg leg.

35. Charge a toll for people wanting to use the shower.
If they complain, light them on fire. THEN they'll pay.
Received on Sun Jan 9 08:06:30 2011