Racing Turtle

"Waking up for School"*

*Two mothers are having a conversation about
their children one day.

"How do you get your Marvin up so early on
school mornings?" asks Joan.

"Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw
the cat on his bed."

"Why does that wake him up?"

"He sleeps with the dog!"

****************************************************

"Racing Turtle"*

*A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.

The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs
are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.

The bartender looks at the guy and asks: "What's
wrong with your turtle?"

"Not a thing," the man responds, this beat up turtle
is faster than your dog!"

"Not a chance!" replies the barkeep.

"Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and
let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and
stand at the other end of the room and call your
dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches
you, my turtle will be there."

So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and
on the count of three calls his dog.

Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it
across the room, narrowly missing the bartender,
and smashing into the wall and says,

"I win!"
Received on Sat Feb 12 02:06:29 2011