Male Speech Patterns

"Male Speech Patterns"*

*"Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer and
there's no peanut butter left.

"That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

"You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

"It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.

"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS What did you catch me at?

"She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.

"You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

"You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

"I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the hockey game.

"I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out
of toilet paper.

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

"This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
Received on Fri Sep 24 03:24:37 2010