Getting into Heaven

"The Life Of The Party"*

*The couple were leaving the cocktail party,
where the husband, slightly flushed, had
been the life of the party.

"John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you
how fascinating, how romantic, and how
handsome you are?"

"No," the man replied happily, looking at
his wife, "I don't think anyone ever did."

"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea?"

*****************************************

"Getting into Heaven"*

*A woman finds herself outside the Pearly Gates, where
she is greeted by St. Peter. "Am I where I think I am?"
she exclaims. "It's so beautiful! Did I really make it to heaven?"

To which St. Peter replies, "Yes, my dear, these are the
Gates to Heaven. But you must do one thing before you can enter."

Very excited, the woman asks what she must do to
pass through the gates.

"Spell out a sentence," St. Peter replies.

"What sentence?" she asks.

"Any sentence," answers St. Peter. "It's your choice."

The woman promptly replies, "The sentence I will spell is
'love is blind'. L-o-v-e i-s b-l-i-n-d."

St. Peter congratulates her on her good fortune of
making it into Heaven and asks her if she will take
his place at the gates for a moment while he goes
to the bathroom.

"I'd be honored," she says, "but what should I do if
someone comes while you are gone?"

St. Peter instructs her to require any newcomers to
spell a word, just as she had done. So the woman
takes St. Peter's chair and watches the beautiful
angels soaring around her, when lo and behold, a
man approaches the gates. It is her husband!

"What happened?" she cries. "Why are you here?"

Her husband explains, "I was so upset when I left
your funeral that I got into an automobile accident.
Now I am here, ready to join you in Heaven."

"Not just yet," the woman replies. "First you must spell a sentence."

"What sentence?" he asks.

"Thou senseless, impertinent, quibbling, drivelling,
feeble, paralytic, impotent, fumbling, frigid nincompoop." **

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** This line is from *The Plain Dealer*, by British
playwright William Wycherley, 1676
Received on Sun Mar 21 09:26:55 2010