Redneck Book of Manners II

"Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners II"*

*/Driving Etiquette
/Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
Never, tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never, relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially
when driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

/"Two Reasons Why It Is Hard To Solve a Redneck Murder"
/All the DNA is the same.
There are no dental records

Dating (outside the family)
Always, offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've
wanted to go out with you since I read that stuff on
the bathroom wall two years ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00pm; others might say "Monday".
If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility
to get her to school on time.
Always have a positive comment about your date's
appearance, such as, "Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal."

Weddings
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tuxedo. A leisure suit with
a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too
sporty an appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Received on Mon Jul 19 01:50:18 2010