Redneck Book of Manners

"Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners"*

*/Never, take a beer to a job interview.
/Always, identify people in your yard before shooting at them
It is considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Even if you are certain that, you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

/Dining Out
/If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor, as the
restaurant may not have dogs.*

*/Entertaining In Your Home
/A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

/Personal Hygiene
/While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods.
Received on Mon Jul 19 01:45:28 2010