Lawyer's Charity

"Lawyer's Charity"*

*A local United Way office realized that it had never
received a donation from the town's most successful
lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called
him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at
least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity.
Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some
way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and
replied, "First, did your research also show that my
mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical
bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. . . no."

"--or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and
confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep
began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,

"--or that my sister's husband died in a traffic
accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation,
"leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said
simply, "I had no idea. . ."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "--so if
I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

****************************************************

"Lost Bull"*

*A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a
lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize
bull was missing from the section through which the
railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the
fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice
of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the
rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.
The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the
rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the
check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a
little over his success, telling the rancher, "You
know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one
over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The
engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose
when the train went through your ranch that morning. I
didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young
feller, I was a little worried about winning that case
myself, because that durned bull came home this morning. "
Received on Tue Oct 20 05:11:30 2009