Purina Dog Chow

"Purina Dog Chow"*

*Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for Rocky the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and
was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What
did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm
retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was
starting the Purina Diet again! Although I probably
shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and
that the way that it works is to load your pants
pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry, and that the
food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone
in the line was by now enthralled with my story!)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have
a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there ANYMORE!

*******************************************************

"Randy Horse"*

*Each day a man walked into his stable to ride his
horse, John. He would call out, "Hey there, John,
old buddy, how's everything today?" and then
bridle his horse.

One day while going through this routine he said,
"Hey there, John..." when, to his surprise, the
horse turned around and interrupted him!

He said, "For months now, you've walked in here
and said, 'Hey there, John, old buddy, how's
everything today?' and I'm tired of it! You never
wait for an answer, and besides, my name is Randy!"

And with that, the horse took off running!

Shocked, the owner took off after the horse trying
to catch it. Seeing the pursuit, his dog joined the
chase. After a while the man became tired and
stopped to rest at the side of the road. He took
out his handkerchief and wiped his face as his dog,
who had continued the chase, came back also now
breathless, and sat down beside him.

The man wondered aloud, "I've never heard a
horse talk before!"

"Me neither!" said the dog, gasping for air.
Received on Mon Nov 9 07:22:02 2009