Marriage Tidbits

"Marriage Tidbits"*

*My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There
was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car now?" She said,
"In the lake."

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are beautiful.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you
must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married
men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There is no
use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Received on Sat Jan 3 18:31:50 2009