Darwin Awards

"Darwin Awards"*

*Without further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place*

*In Detroit, a 41-year-old man was stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place*

*A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his
daily run.

Sixth Place*

*While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole
for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a
beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him
beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their
hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place*

*Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his
mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place*

*Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place*

*After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked
at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather &
Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full
of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several
customers also drew their guns and fired. Paramedics
pronounced the robber dead at the scene. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from seven different weapons.
No one else was hurt. (I think this is one of those "Only in America" ones.)

HONORABLE MENTION*

*Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just
driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of
dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen. Apparently, they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP*

*Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had
bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic.
The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end
around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.

His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall
into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
Bingham's foot was never located.

/AND THE WINNER IS .../*/

/*Zookeeper, Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany), fed
his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate
200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one
of those freak accidents that proves "Crap happens."
Received on Wed Feb 25 06:50:17 2009