Monster Mash

"Monster Mash"*

*A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.

"Every night," the man said, "I dream that these
three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of
my bed, ready to attack me."

"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure
you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you
somewhere between twenty and thirty thousand dollars."

"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never
mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll
go home and try to make friends with them."

*************************************************

"Talking Cat"*

*A lonely, elderly widower loved his cat so dearly that
he tried to teach it to talk. "If I can get Tabby to talk
with me," he reasoned, "I won't have to bother with
ornery human beings at all!"

First, the man tried feeding the cat a diet of canned
salmon, then one of canaries. Tabby obviously loved
both, but still wouldn't learn to talk.

Then, one day years after he had begun the project,
the man had two parrots cooked in butter and served
to Tabby with asparagus and French fries. Tabby eagerly
licked the plate clean.

Then, wonder of wonders, suddenly turned to her master
and shouted, "Look out!"

The startled widower didn't hear. He didn't move a muscle.

Instantly, the ceiling caved in a buried the poor man, but
Tabby survived by jumping out of the way. The cat shook
her head in disgust and said, "Eight years he spends
getting me to talk and then the idiot doesn't listen."
Received on Thu Feb 12 07:33:23 2009