Dogs vs. Cats

"Dogs vs. Cats"*

*A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me,
love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me... They must be G~ds!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me,
love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a G~d!

A blonde thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed
me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,
and take good care of me... huh, what was I thinking about?

****************************************************

"Cat Diary"*

*DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that
keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their feet while they were walking
almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my
captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for
food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them
the headless body, in attempt to make them aware
of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not
working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they
are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water
torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the
piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the
event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the
foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this
is and how to use it to my advantage....

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely
released and seems more than happy to returnee.
He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other
hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered
their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak)
and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement
in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can
wait, it is only a matter of time....
Received on Sun Dec 13 16:47:58 2009