New Speed Limit

"New Speed Limit"*

*The speed limit on the highway running through
our small town was changed from 40 to 35 MPH.

Then one afternoon the town mayor was stopped
in the coffee shop by a police officer. "Can I speak
to you a moment?" he said.

"Sure," the mayor replied. "What can I help you with?"

"We're advising people that the speed limit has
been lowered on the highway through town,
and we'd appreciate your co-operation."

"No problem," said the mayor. "Do you want me
to bring this up at the next council meeting?"

"No," replied the police officer. "We want you to slow down."

*****************************************************

"Too Little, Too Late"*

*A guy is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted,
and St. Peter says to the guy, "I can't see that you
did anything really good in your life, but you never
did anything bad either. I tell you what, if you can
tell me one really good deed that you did, you're in."

So the guy says, "Once I was driving down the road
and saw a gang of bikers assaulting this poor girl. So
I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron and
walked straight up to the gang's leader--a huge ugly
guy with a studded leather jacket, bald head but with
hair all over his body, and a chain running from his
nose to his ear.

Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear
and smashed him over the head with the tire iron.
Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled
to the rest of them, 'You leave this poor, innocent lady
alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go
home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

Impressed, St. Peter says, "Really? I can't seem to
find this in your file. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."
Received on Sun Sep 28 09:15:21 2008