John McCain Is So Old....

"John McCain Is So Old...."*

*....the Big Bang woke him up.
....he once lost a quarter in the Primordial Ooze.
....Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in evolution, but John McCain
witnessed it.
....the last time he went for a physical, they sent him for carbon
dating instead of an MRI.
....it takes an archeologist to dig up dirt on him.
....when he first encountered Homo Habilis, he introduced legislation to
forbid them from marrying.
....his parents were named McAdam and McEve.
....he didn't play duck, duck, goose when he was a kid, he played
Archaeopteryx, Archaeopteryx, Deinonychus.
....in 1st grade he only had to learn one continent on the flat earth.
....ALL parties were toga parties when he was in school.
....his library card says "Alexandria" on it.
....he used to fake Bubonic Plague to get out of class for the day.
....when G~d said "Let there be light", John McCain rubbed two sticks
together.
....his copy of the Bible is autographed.
....he owes Moses twenty bucks.*
*....he remembers when Iraq was Mesopotamia.
....Joe Lieberman has to remind him not to refer to Iranians as
"Proto-Elamites."
....he lost his first election to a guy named "Og."
....he voted against the Papyrus Reduction Act.
....his original Straight Talk Express was a chariot.
....he voted against funding the Pyramids.
....when the walls of Jericho fell down, he blocked legislation to rebuild.
....he actually has ears loaned to him by Friends, Romans, Countrymen.
....he still has scorch marks on his arse because he couldn't get out of
Pompeii fast enough.
....he invented sandals.
....he voted against the Law of Gravity.
....he still has his wig left over from the first political party he
belonged to.
....after Bob Dole wrote the Declaration of Independence, John McCain
signed it.
....he voted against the Articles of Confederation.
....he was Daniel Boone's great-g~dfather.
....when he heard Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, he mocked it for being
"change we cannot believe in."
....his first trainer aircraft was build by the Wright Bros.
....he invented B I N G O.
....when sliced bread was invented, people said it was the greatest
thing since John McCain.
....he knew the Burger King when he was just a Prince.
....when he runs the 100 meter dash, they time him with a sundial.
....he creaks when he blinks.
....he has hemorrhoids older than you.
....his birthday expired....and has to be renewed yearly.
Received on Fri Sep 26 08:03:48 2008