Shorties

"Shorties"*

*Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for
the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage.
 
Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."

*

A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to
get his message across to his congregation: "It's
so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that
heaven doesn't interest them."
 
"And it's so hot here in the summer that hell doesn't scare them."

*

I get no respect. I was crossing the street. I got
hit by a mobile library. I was lying there in pain, screaming.

The guy looked at me. He went, 'Shhhh.'

*

Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row
from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it
is bad for their health. However, to compensate for
this, condemned men will instead be permitted to
chew a stick of celery.
 

*

A strongman in Gloucester wanted to impress his
friends after a night in the pub, so he went outside
and lifted up the nearest car. Inside were two
policemen who promptly arrested him.
Received on Mon Sep 8 18:17:55 2008