Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual, Part II

"Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual"
Part II

FEEDING YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER:

Your teenage daughter requires regular meals, which must be
purchased for her at restaurants because she detests everything you eat
because it is like so disgusting.

She does not want you to accompany her to these restaurants, because
some people might see you and like I am sure I want my friends to see
me eating dinner with my parents. Either order take-out food or just
give her the money, preferably both.

If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because the delivery
boy might see you and "Oh my G~d," he is so hot.

Yes, your daughter's idea of an attractive man is the pizza boy.

CLOTHING YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER:

Retailers make millions of dollars a year selling stylish and frankly
sensible clothing, which will look adorable on your daughter.

If you enjoy shopping, you will love the vast selections, which are
available to you. Unfortunately, your teenage daughter wants to dress
like a lap dancer.

You may be able to coerce her into putting on a cute outfit before
leaving the house, but by the time she walks in the schoolhouse door,
she will be wearing something entirely different.

OTHER MAINTENANCE:

Teenage daughters require one of two levels of maintenance: "High,"
and "Ultra High."

Your daughter is "Ultra High." This means that whatever you do will
not be enough and whatever you try will not work.

WARRANTY:

This product is not without defect because she has your genes, for
heaven's sake. If you think this is not fair, talk to your parents, who
think it is hilarious.

Your teenage daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it takes
her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already happened
and as far as you are concerned never really will.

If you are dissatisfied with your teenage daughter, well, what did
you expect?

In any event, your warranty does not give you your little girl back
under any circumstances, except that deep down she is actually still
there - you just have to look for her.
Received on Thu May 8 07:07:21 2008