Last Request

"Fighting Tools"

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking
like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is
in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

" That little rat, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't
do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast,
and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight!"

***********************************************

"Last Request"

Mary Clancy ges up to Father O'Grady after his
Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell
me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

She says, sobbing, "he said, 'Please Mary,
put down that darn gun...' "
Received on Thu Mar 27 07:54:12 2008