Company Policy Changes

"Company Policy Changes"

The following policy changes will go into effect immediately.

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed
according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying
a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
your money better so that you may buy nicer
clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you
need to be and therefore you do not need raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement
as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to
the doctor, you are able to come to work. We
require a 3 day advance notice in the event of
your death.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal
days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be
posted on the company bulletin board under
the "Chronic Offenders category."

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

We are here to provide a positive employment
experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation or
input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
Received on Mon Mar 17 06:28:05 2008