Teacher In The News

"Teacher In The News"

NEW YORK-- A public school teacher was arrested
today at JFK International Airport as he attempted
to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a compass, a slide rule, and a
multi-function calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General
Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He
did not identify the man, who has been charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra continues to be a problem for us," Gonzales
said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes,
and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer
to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator
of the ax is of medieval with coordinates in every
country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say,' There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"

When asked to comment on the arrest, President
Bush said, "If G~d had wanted us to have better
weapons of math instruction, He would have given
us more fingers and toes!"

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"George Bush & The Light Bulb"

Question: How many members of the Bush
Administration does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: TEN.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says
the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either
for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed
as a janitor and standing on a step ladder, under
the banner "Bulb Accomplished";

7. One administration insider to resign and in
detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark"
the whole time;

8. Another one to viciously smear # 7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies
on how George Bush has had a strong light
bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about
the difference between screwing in a light bulb
and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice
that they never actually managed to change the light bulb.
Received on Tue Feb 19 08:25:23 2008