Buying Gifts For Men

"Buying Gifts For Men"*

*Buying gifts for men isn't nearly as complicated as it is
for women.

So, don't worry, this timely list of rules will answer
all your gift-giving questions for the men on your list.

Rule #1
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who
owns 17 and he is yet to complain. As a man, you
can never have too many cordless drills.

No one knows why.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying
those two words. "Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"Sure. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket?"

Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer, or something
to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their car.
No one knows why.

Rule #4
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy
men bathrobes. I was told that if men were supposed to
wear bathrobes, jockey shorts would not have been invented.

Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy the man
on your list a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the
program - your entertainment will be watching him have fun!

Rule #6
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave
or cologne. Men believe they do not smell - they are earthy.

No one knows why.

Rule #7
Buy men label makers. They're almost as good as cordless
drills. Within a couple of weeks, there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink."
You get the idea.

No one knows why.

Rule #8
Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read
the instructions because the box says, "Some assembly
required." It will ruin his special day. He will always have
parts left over.

No one knows why.

Rule #9
Good places to shop for men include: Home Depot, Wal-Mart,
$ Dollar Store, Lumberyard, Speed Shops, RV Center and
Goodyear Tire, Pool Halls and Pawnshops. NAPA Auto Parts
and Sear's Clearance Center are also excellent. It doesn't
matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh?
Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '
'68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks!"

Rule #10
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook, but love to
barbecue. Get him a monster barbeque with a 100 pound
propane tank. Tell him to build a deck for it.Tell him the gas
line leaks. Oh the thrill! The challenge!

Rule #11
Tickets or Pay per View to any NFL or NHL ball game is a
smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to
"A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."

Everyone knows why.

Rule #12
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love
a chain saw. If you don't know why, refer to rule #7
(remember what happens with a label maker?)

Rule #13
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It
must be an 'extension' ladder.
No one knows why.

Rule #14
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love
you" like a hundred feet of 3/8" yellow or blue manila rope.

No one knows why.

Rule #15
In lieu of good rope, consider getting him a heavy-duty
extension cord. It should be at least 75-100 feet, and
it must be either bright yellow or international orange.
He'll use it for everything, even if the job is only 10 feet
from the power outlet.
No one knows why.

Rule # 16
Never, ever buy them house slippers. Only leather moccasins.
They will think they are Tonto or out camping somewhere.
Macho thing.

No one knows why.

Enjoy your shopping!
Received on Thu Dec 25 07:40:49 2008