Parking During Holidays I & II

"Parking During Holidays I"*

*Rule No. 1: When waiting for a parking spot, stop in
the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your
car diagonally to prevent others from passing.

Rule No. 2: Always park on the lines, taking up as
many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.

Rule No. 3: In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot
and have the opportunity to pull through to an
adjacent one, drive up halfway and stop on the line, taking both.

Rule No. 4: As you pull into a spot, if you see that the
space ahead of you is empty and you see another
driver signalling to take it, pull through and take it from him/her.

Rule No. 5: Always park close enough to the adjacent
car so that the other driver must grease up with
Vaseline to squeeze into his or her car.

Rule No. 6: When getting out of your car, hit the
adjacent vehicle with your door really hard.

*********************************************

"Parking During Holidays II"*

*Rule No. 7: When driving through the parking lot,
ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from
one end to another at a high rate of speed.

Rule No. 8: When stopped in front of a store and
waiting for a friend/relative to make a purchase,
make sure that you are stopped in the middle of
the road. The same rule applies to picking up and
discharging passengers.

Rule No. 9: When a vehicle from the opposite direction
is signalling and waiting for a parking space, position
your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.

Rule No. 10: If you have handicapped license plates,
use up a regular parking spot.

Rule No. 11: If you hit the adjacent car with your door
and leave a dent, wait for a car, which is painted the
same color as yours, to drive down the aisle looking
for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot
like "Mr. Good Guy," and park somewhere else.

Rule No. 12: If the vehicle in front of you stops to let
a pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into
the lane of opposite traffic and attempt to pass him.

Continued tomorrow...
Received on Mon Dec 15 19:09:41 2008