The Deer Hunt

"The Deer Hunt"*
*
  1:00am Alarm clock rings
 
  2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
 
  2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up
 
  3:00am Leave home for deep woods
 
  3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun
 
  3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
 
  4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent
 
  4:30am Head out into woods
 
  6:05am See eight (8) deer
 
  6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger
 
  6:07am "Click"
 
  6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
 
  8:00am Head back to camp
 
  9:00am Still looking for camp
 
 10:00am Realize you don't know where the camp is
 
 -Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries
 
 12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back
 
 12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach
 
 12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries
 
 12:45pm Rescued!!
 
 12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped
 
  3:00pm Arrive back at camp
 
  3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer
 
  4:00pm Return to camp for bullets
 
  4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again

  5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you
 
  6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp.
 
  6:01pm Load Gun
 
  6:02pm Fire gun
 
  6:03pm One Dead Truck
 
  6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!
 
  6:06pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner
 
  6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire
 
  6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
 
  6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods
 
  6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator
 
  6:26pm Start walking
 
  6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
 
  6:35pm Meet great big Bear!
 
  6:35pm Take aim
 
  6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
 
  6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions.
 
  6:37pm Climb tree
 
  9:00pm Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree
 
  9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone
 
  9:04pm Start climbing down the tree
 
  9:05pm Fall out of tree
 
 -Midnight- Home at last
 
 -Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing
hunting license into itty-bitty pieces,
                  place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very
clear instructions about what to do with it!!
Received on Sat Aug 30 11:59:41 2008