Bad Luck

"Bad Luck"*

*A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening
and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey
you got! I'm so ticked off I can't even see straight!" The
bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse
for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.

The man threw down the drink and demanded, "Gimme
another ONE!" The bartender pours the drink, but said,
"Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a
little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for
this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took
several samples to an apartment in this neighborhood.
I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now,
the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take
the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I
get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and
SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."

"Well, the woman says, 'Oh my god, it's my BOYFRIEND.
He must have lost his WRESTLING match today, he's
gonna be REAL MAD! He won't believe that you are just
a salesman. Quick, HIDE!'"

"So, I opened at the CLOSET, but I figured that was
probably the FIRST place he would look, so I didn't
hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I
figured he's bound to look there, too. By now I could
hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was
open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my
FINGERS praying that the guy WOULDN'T see me."

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a
BIT FRUSTRATED at this point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door
open and he yells out, 'Tell me, who you been seeing now?'"

"The girl said, 'Nobody, honey, now have a glass of
water and calm down.' Well the guy starts TEARING up
the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and
throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad
I didn't hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the
bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn't
hide under there either."

"Then I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the
WINDOW?' I think 'Oh boy, I'm dead meat now'. But the
woman by now is trying real hard to distract him and
convince him to stop looking."

"Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear
water running for a long time, and I figure maybe he's
gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden
the guy pours a pitcher of scalding HOT WATER out of
the window right on top of my head! I mean look at
this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender said, "Oh man, that would have pissed me
off for SURE." "No," the customer replied, "that didn't
really BOTHER me. Next the guy starts slamming the
window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at
my fingers. They're a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass."

The bartender looks at the guy's hands and agreed,
"Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so UPSET."

"No, that WASN'T what really ticked me off." The
bartender then asked in exasperation, "Well, then, what
DID finally tick you off?"

"Well I was hanging there for hours, and I turned
around and looked down, and I WAS ONLY ABOUT
6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"
Received on Thu Aug 14 06:19:54 2008