Warning Signs of Insanity

Warning Signs of Insanity"

- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends
you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

- You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for
setting fire to his lawn decorations.

- Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you
through that scuba mask.

- You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've
stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one
day seek revenge.

- You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

- You collect dead windowsill flies.

- Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

- You like cats. Especially with mayo.

- You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they
weren't rescued.

- You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

- Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.

- You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

- You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the
middle of your front lawn.

- Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched
on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

- Melba toast excites you.

- When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room
to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."

- You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

- You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just
for a few minutes.

- Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bohemia.

- Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"

- You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala
or to be loved by an infectious disease.

- You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and
pretend that you're a stalk.

- You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.

- People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a
violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
Received on Sun Nov 25 21:44:20 2007