Things You Should Know Before You're 50

"Things You Should Know Before You're 50"

1. Never under any circumstances take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the
reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve its full potential, that
word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby"
and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious
views with you almost never want you to
share yours with them.

5. And when G~d, who created the entire
universe with all of its glories, decides to
deliver a message to humanity, He WILL
NOT use, as His messenger, a person on
cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with
your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will
find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives
a solution and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just
get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the
cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe
is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give
you a clear and compelling reason why we
observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should
stop expecting other people to make a big
deal about your birthday. That time is age
thirteen.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are
above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all
organized protests is to annoy people who
are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to
the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.
Received on Thu Jan 4 11:54:06 2007