Going, going.... gone!

"You Know Your Life Is Going Bad When..."

. A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

. You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell
your wife.

. The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

. Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft.

. You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.

. Your children's school calls to surrender.

. The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice.

. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

. Your plants do better when you *don't* talk to them.

. All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.

. Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection, plastic.

***********************************************

"Going, going,.... gone!"

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with
a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong
the saying, "You can't take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old
ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take
at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw
enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed
her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave
them directly above his bed. His plan was that when
he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags
on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife,
up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow
cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he
should have had me put the money in the basement."
Received on Sun Dec 9 09:03:34 2007