Dillard's Bag Treasure

"Dillard's Bag Treasure"

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and
Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall
parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell.

"What business could that poor kitty have had here?"
murmured Ellen.

"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen had already
grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just
put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue."
She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then
used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former
feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence,
stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to
both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the
trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate,
Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and
they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.

After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a
window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with
the Dillard's bag still on the trunk.

BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired
woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look
quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's
bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out
of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other
a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so
fast that neither of them could think how to respond.

"Can you imagine? " finally sputtered Ellen.

"The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with
Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she
thought about the grand surprise awaiting the
red-gingham thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her
napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction
of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized
with a shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's
bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly
pushing her tray toward the cashier.

Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing
the register, the woman settled at a table across from
theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.

After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans,
she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.

Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice
her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out
the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.

The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank
to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.
The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a
customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911,
while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.

A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and
Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven
whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged
from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a
gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her
to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she
disappeared behind the ambulance doors, the Dillard's
bag perched on her stomach.

My mom always taught me if it doesn't belong to you don't
touch it, guess she didn't have a wise mom like I do.
Serves her right, G~ does take care of those who do bad things!
Received on Mon Aug 6 07:22:08 2007