Short Takes

"Short Takes"

If you want your marriage to sizzle remember
this: When you're wrong, admit it.
When you're right, keep your mouth shut!

With the proliferation of advanced placement
courses and "gifted" programs, our schools
have gone from "separate but equal" to "all
together but unequal."

It's unfair that women have Valentine's Day,
but men have no equivalent holiday. We
need a day with tons of food, hours of football
on TV and no gift shopping or decorations.
OK, I guess Thanksgiving will do.

"Health experts in Europe now say one carrot
a day can keep you free of colon cancer.
You know, I just hope they mean you eat it."

After showing my husband what his Social
Security benefits would be after I kicked the
can, he said, "That's not even enough to get
my new wife's hair done each month!"

The wife was crying as her daughter went
off to college. Her husband consoled her,
"Don't think of it as losing a daughter.
Think of it as gaining both a telephone
and a bathroom."

The best leaders are also good followers.
The ability to follow, places one in the
perfect position to do some timely
back-stabbing.

I know that a lot of you envy teachers,
but any teacher will tell you that ten weeks
in the summer is not nearly enough time
to allow their eardrums to heal.

The difference between a psychotic and
a neurotic: the psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5,
and the neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4 . . .
but it really bothers him.

It's a good idea that kids in Little League
are exposed to umpires that are never
wrong and always win arguments.
It helps prepare them for marriage.
Received on Wed Sep 20 08:16:02 2006