No Excuse Sunday

"Religious Bats"

Three pastors got together for lunch one day
and found all their churches had bat-infestation
problems.

"I got so mad," said one, "I took a shotgun and
fired at them. It made holes in the ceiling, but
did nothing to the bats."

"I tried trapping them alive," said the second.
"Then I drove 50 miles before releasing them,
but they returned."

"I haven't had any more problems," said the
third.

"What did you do?" asked the others, amazed.

"I simply baptized and confirmed them," he
replied. "I haven't seen them since."

********************************************

"No Excuse Sunday"
Excerpt From August 4, 1996
Church Bulletin

To make it possible for everyone to attend
church next Sunday we are going to have
a special "No Excuse Sunday."

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who
say "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."

We will have steel helmets for those who
think the church is too cold, and fans for
those who say it is too hot.

We will have hearing aids for those who say
"The Priest talks too softly," and cotton for
those who say HE preaches too loudly.

Score cards for those who wish to list
hypocrites present.

Some relatives will be in attendance for
those who like to go visiting on Sundays.

There will be TV dinners for those who
can't go to Church and cook dinner also.

One section will be devoted to trees and
grass for those who like to see G~d in
Nature.

Finally, the Sanctuary will be decorated
with both Christmas poinsettias and
Easter Lilies for those who have never
seen the church without them.
Received on Sun May 7 08:13:24 2006