Actual Instructions on Labels

"Actual Instructions on Labels"

In case you needed further proof that the
Human Race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on
consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE
USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US
cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE
MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE
REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk
drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS
PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible,
but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve
painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED
AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO
THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-
GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING
POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES,
KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke
bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT
TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVORITE
BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE
WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A
WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.
DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE
LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE
DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP
OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to
tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas
lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE
ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO
BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm
curious.)

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING -
CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain
nuts?)

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT
NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT
ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR
HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of
consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

21. On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT
ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy
a universal childhood fantasy!)

22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING
SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a
box: FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO
NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY
CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
Received on Fri Mar 31 07:50:07 2006